THE UNBEARABLE EMPTINESS OF LOSING THE ‘’BIG ONE’’

By Pierre Filion and Rad Joseph

A few years ago Saku Koivu was the captain of the Finnish Ice Hockey team at a World Championship.

Finland had assembled its best hockey players and was a legitimate and favorite candidate for winning the gold medal. Finland lost the gold medal game by one goal and Saku was interviewed a few minutes after the game. He talked about this unbearable emptiness of being left with absolutely nothing but pain, sorrow, griefs and this huge feeling of having let everyone down.

Lacrosse has also had its share of athletes who suffered the agony of ‘’losing the big one’’ and THINK LACROSSE asked four great athletes to share with us the emotions and the reality of losing the big one.

Gary Bottomley was a star player for the Nova Scotia Junior team who lost the 1973 Canada Games to Ontario; Joe Cambria captained the Québec Juniors to a silver medal at the 1977 Canada Games bowing to Ontario; Jim Calder, from Ontario, was a star midfielder for Hobart College who lost two NCAA outstanding games to Cornell and Roanoke College; and finally Hall of Famer Dave Evans (BC) shared his recollections of the 1973 Mann Cup game where Vancouver lost a one game Mann Cup to Peterborough…All these big games happened about 50 years ago and the athletes still had vivid memories and clear souvenirs; fifty years ago. Think about it!

The conversation was recorded on ZOOM and appears on www.thinklacrosse.ca

Here are the questions asked… and the trend of the answers from these star players.

DID YOU THINK IT WOULD BE POSSIBLE TO LOSE ‘’THE BIG GAME’’?

NO. That was the unanimous answer from all four players. ‘’Athletes don’t even think they might lose’’ (Joe). ‘’We had all the confidence in the world; we had great coaches; our eyes were on the gold medal’’ (Gary). ‘’We were young and cocky; we were first in our league; we were the best’’ (Dave). ‘’We felt we would go in and just win’’ (Jim). ‘’We are coached to win; winning is the reason we play’’ (Gary), ‘’It’s the purpose for playing’’ (Dave)

AT A CERTAIN TIME IN THE GAME DID YOU HAVE THE IMPRESSION ‘’IT MIGHT SLIP AWAY FROM YOU’’?

‘’Oh no; we were in that game until the last 3 seconds when they scored in an empty net to close it; we were down by one and had five shots in the last minute; we hit the post on one shot and that created the final loose ball and the empty net goal’’ (Gary). ‘’We were in the game until the last minute; the team who would get the final shot was going to win; the game never slipped away from us’’ (Jim). ‘’I don’t even remember thinking we could lose even if we were three goals behind; we were down but nothing slipped away. We had 50 shots they had 34; Pat Baker (the Peterborough goalie) was just fantastic; he was the difference; he was phenomenal’’ (Dave). Joe Cambria had a different perspective; ‘’When the coaching staff decided not to start with the goaltender many of us trusted I sensed for a short moment that we might be losing a certain edge. ‘’

WHAT WAS THE MOOD IN THE DRESSING ROOM AFTER THE GAME?

‘’It was a mixture of sadness, anger, discouragement and grief; those emotions were all there all at the same time. The silver medal is not a gold medal; our dressing room was full of people from other provinces who were congratulating us on our performance; we all lived mixed feelings being congratulated after a loss; then we went on the floor to collect our medals and afterwards, back at the residence, it really hit us hard’’ (Gary).’’ In our room it was mostly sadness and disappointment. You play to win the bronze; you never play to win the silver; you lose the gold medal, that’s it. We did not have anger just the empty feeling of having lost such an opportunity; winning would have been so good for Québec lacrosse’’ (Joe). ‘’There were tears but mostly silence. The older players knew that this could be their last chance at winning a Mann Cup; I remember that we were tired because when you trail in a game you work so much harder. I also remember coaches were telling us to hold our heads high; but that does not make you feel any better’’ (Dave). ‘’In our case we had been down 7-2 and had come back to lead 10-9 before their tying and winning goals; I remember the feeling was that there was nothing to be upset for; the gods of lacrosse simply had other plans that day’’ (Jim)

AFTER THE LOSS DID YOU BLAME YOURSELF?

‘’No; I had a shot on net in the last minute’’ (Gary); ‘’No, I did not blame myself’’ (Jim); ‘’No; but sometimes I wonder if I had started the game maybe the result would have been different; but then I could have bombed and it could have been worse; but I did not blame myself’’ (Dave). ‘’I could have scored more but had been asked to play a different role and did it well; I did not blame myself nor did I blame anyone; I just did my best’’ (Joe). It seems great athletes perform and don’t blame themselves.

DID YOU LOOK DOWN ON TEAMMATES WHO UNDERPERFORMED?

Unanimous answer here again, NO. ‘’We were focused on our own job and our coaches, for two years, had drilled us in never to criticize our teammates; coaches would have torn us apart for that’’ (Gary). ‘’The only time you can be critical is when teammates do something selfish or undisciplined; in that game we never blamed anyone’’ (Joe). ‘’The only thing we could have criticized was our scouting report which mentioned Baker was weak on long shots because of a problem with his sight; and he was fantastic on long shots as he wore glasses; but as athletes you never look down on your teammates’’ (Dave). ‘’We were a complete team; what happened to one of us happened to all of us’’ (Jim).

DID YOU FEEL IT WAS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO PICK UP THE TEAM AFTER THE LOSS?

‘’After a you lose the big game you have the feeling in the dressing room that eternity is happening, yet it does not last that long. There is little to say, really; don’t be ashamed…hold your heads up…we played well…they had a hot goalie…There is little that is said that is meaningful’’ (Dave). ‘’My responsibility, as captain, was to put the team together; after the loss I had to pick myself up because I had invested so much in the team and said very little in the dressing room; but later at the residence I made it a point to talk to each player and to thank them for their effort and commitment’’ (Joe). ‘’Our coach and our manager said complimentary words, which was rare, but no one stood up to pick us up; we were down, all of us’’ (Gary). In my case there were veterans who were better positioned and who spoke; but it all came down to the same thing; we wished that we could have had that game over’’ (Jim)

WHAT IS IT WITH SPORTS WHERE TOUGH ATHLETES ALLOW THEMSELVES TO OPENLY CRY AFTER A BIG LOSS…WHICH IS SOMETHING MOST DON’T DO IN THEIR SOCIAL, ACADEMIC OR PROFESSIONNAL LIFE EVEN AFTER A LOSS OR A SETBACK?

There was some sort of unanimity in the answers here; it’s about letting others down. ‘’When you lose such a game you have the feeling that you let everyone down; you have let your teammates down and you are hit with powerful emotions; it overwhelms you; you are hit insides and you just cry’’ (Gary). ‘’With the Québec Team we all had personal pressure to win but there was also the ‘’outside added pressure’’ of the political context we were in; hey the Minister of Sports, one year after the provincial elections came to see us off at the airport and reminded us that we needed to win; this whole thing was just bigger than ourselves. So, we all had the impression that we had let everyone down; the moment had passed and we just did not seize it; we all broke down in tears’’ (Joe). ‘’We were a tight group, just like a family; we were together 3 or 4 nights a week during the season; you build bonds; strong ties; and you suffer more when you are expected to win and when you feel you have let your teammates down. Losing is emotionally taxing’’ (Dave)

IN THE FINAL ANALYSIS WHY DID YOU LOSE THAT GAME?

‘’Hey because they scored one more goal than we did. It just was not our day to win. It was not for lack of effort or commitment’’ (Gary). ‘’There were two reasons, in our case: they outplayed us and we lacked in mental preparation. I’ll talk more about that later’’ (Joe). ‘’On that night we lost because we played against a great team; but if it had been a best of seven series we would have won it all, but on that one night they were the better team; we did not adjust to the early deficit and lost’’ (Dave). ‘’You know it’s hard to win back- to-back championships; in our case we were in a back-to-back-to-back championship; it’s hard to win it three times in a row; there is some sort of hunger that was missing’’ (Jim)

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED FROM THAT DEFEAT THAT MADE YOU A BETTER MAN?

‘’I’ve learned never to take anything for granted, to expect to lose at times but to find small wins in losses; I now look at things from both sides, or at least I try to see both sides of things’’ (Gary). ‘’I’ve given a lot of thoughts to this loss; it has stayed with me for a long time and I now believe that the main reason we did not win was because we did not have a common goal. For some players just making the team was their goal medal; for some getting the visibility and media attention was their goal medal; making the all-star team for some was their goal medal. We did not all come together around one goal, to win the goal medal. We seemed to have different personal goals and did not come together over a higher expectation a higher objective’’ (Joe). ‘’I’ve learned that after every loss the sun will come up the next day; life has to go on; we can’t live events too high or too low; I’ve learned from losses to look at the positive things in life and to move on; yet this Mann Cup loss seems different’’ (Dave). ‘’I’ve learned that even if you are favorite to win you can’t control everything; you can only control your effort and give your best’’ (Jim)

THESE LOSSES HAPPENED 50 YEARS AGO; YOU STILL TALK ABOUT IT WITH CLARITY; DOES IT STILL HURT?

‘’We had made a two-year commitment to each other and to Nova Scotia lacrosse; winning the silver medal was a huge accomplishment; we were given a lot of attention and it boosted lacrosse in Nova Scotia; but losing the gold medal has been on my mind forever; as former teammates we still see one another regularly and we always bring up ‘’that’’ game because of the commitment we had towards each other; it will not go away’’ (Gary). ‘’I remember the loss because it was my only opportunity to win it all. It was the Canada Games, the highest level of play we could reach at that time; and it still hurts; but what I learned from that loss and what has stayed with me in my business career is that I now know what it takes to be a winner; a common objective shared fully by all’’ (Joe). ‘’I’ve realized that losses stand out in your mind much more than wins. I’ve won Mann Cups and don’t recall much about them; but that 1973 loss in the highest level of lacrosse in Canada still stands out; I sometimes still ask myself…what could I have done differently or better. It sticks in my mind; it always will’’ (Dave). I’ve learned that in sports as well as in life you want to play in games that matter and that you always have to work to get there’’ (Jim).

A few minutes after an important loss Saku Koivu had talked about the unbearable emptiness of losing the big one; in this interview, with four great athletes, we still feel the emptiness, the grief and the disappointment but also the integrity to openly talk about it.

But we mostly feel the genuine and great love for the game.